The other day a friend of mine called and asked "you have a busy week planned?" I didn't and somehow I ended up agreeing to babysit her 7 year old daughter. Actually, I know exactly why I accepted.
But this isn't just any old babysitting stint, this child comes with the warning of "she will try you out." I know that is code used by the mothers of "tough" children, the ones who have had trouble attaching with their mothers and fathers. She is doing well after many hours of therapeutic parenting, BUT!
In some ways she is just like a regular child or a garden...if left unattended they tend to run wild.... but since I have come to love and respect this little family I didn't want to cause any carefully mended tapestry to start to unravel.
Four days... before arrival, I advised my girls that "Betsy" might "try to run things", but they can make a choice of giving in to each request or refusing, I would mediate if asked. They weren't too worried.
First morning Hope decided to have school and all of the little girls trooped to the basement classroom. I was busy with Parker but soon notice that the youngest two were playing in the living room. Ah well. Soon Hope comes up and announces "recess time" and all went out to ripstick on the driveway.
Recess lasted all day. I asked Hope how school went "she doesn't listen!"
Hmm, good training.
Later Hope came and reported that "Betsy" asked her "do you have to listen to your mommy?" Hope says she told her "of course". "Well," "Betsy" replied, "I don't have to listen." (not sure to whom).
So I wasn't surprised when I told Shekinah and "Betsy" to pick up their ripstick/skateboard and bring them in off the drive. I had one little girl answer "Huh?" She caught me and I repeated myself ...at the second "Huh" it hit me...she's operating straight out of the "drive mom nuts" chapter!
"You heard me"
"Huh?"
"And if I have to pick it up, you won't be using it tomorrow."
Suddenly she had good hearing BUT
Miss Shekinah had to check if I meant it for her....
I did (sigh)
So to aid my faulty memory, I walked through the house and advised ALL present that the skateboard is OFF- LIMITS for Shekinah tomorrow. "Betsy" followed that with interest.
The thing about attachment challenged children is that they keep TESTING you and they keep score...they keep checking if you actually mean what you say or if they have to take charge.
So when I told her she needs to take her book into another room when I was putting Shekinah down for a nap, she simply moved to a different chair in the same room. (Caught it and she moved on "I thought you said this chair")
She came in the house the one day and asked if she can call me mama. (No, I am not your mama)
She started leaving the table without removing her dishes or asking if she could be excused (her house rule, but she knew and I knew that her mama expected her to do it at our house)
I didn't catch her with this one the first time, but Wed night I called her back to the table and simply said "Betsy, when you visit here with your mama you do things a lot differently when you are finished eating, let's do it that way."
"She got a small smile and sat down at her place, waited a bit, and politely 'thank you for supper, can I please be excused' "
That night when I chatted with her mom, she told me that "Betsy" had asked if Chris is a strong mama when she found out she is coming to our house.
Oh bother!
I didn't feel bad then keeping a tight reign on her, it helped her to feel secure.
EVERY meal after Wednesday night I had at least three little girls asking to be excused.
She pretended a few times to not understand a request, or told me I really hadn't said what I thought I had. I either bluffed by way through or simply gave her the knowing smile that told her I had her number.
Thursday night after prayers she said she is glad that she is having a good time and it's not scary to come her after all.
Even though "our daddy" was scary, our water tasted "like city water" and our milk was "only good with lots of chocolate" and the food was only marginal....well except for the pizza, she loved the rip-stick, and found the computer games fascinating (sorry "Betsy's" mama), I really did like having you.
I wonder how many things I missed?
On another subject, there is a good reason..or two... to keep a small stash of candy in your house...One reason is to treat everyone else when someone is having a screaming fit because_______fill in the blank. Doesn't always create silence, but it makes me feel better.
Tonight I was surprised, Shekinah just couldn't finish her supper. We don't force our children to eat anymore, but we don't allow dessert to children who couldn't eat their other food because obviously they just aren't hungry. Tonite after dessert I was handing out 3 gummi bears to each of us and when I came to Shekinah I decided she can have 2 gummi's "because she couldn't eat her warm things (she didn't have dessert) I told her she can have her 3rd gummi if she eats her chicken and waffles....suddenly she could finish her food and she earned her gummi!
Quote of the day: " I don't want to be a girl when I grown up! I want to be a chicken or a rooster!"
Ben went on a missions trip to help to teach VBS in South Dakota just as he was ready to leave he went back inside for his ocarina that I bought him in China, as he went to give me a hug he dropped the ceramic piece, I felt so bad for him, he wanted to play it in the Badlands. Thankfully I had bought some smaller ones that he took instead. Thursday I bought some ceramic glue and painstakingly glued it back together, I hope the sound is still the same.
