Emptiness and Fullness

 

‘Tis the season” “this too shall pass”

It’s a season of empty and full

Empty gardens, full larders

It’s a season of emptiness inside of me too.

A waiting on test results for my dad. You sure can’t hurry the medical system.

A phone call this morning, “mom, I’m not sure what to say.”

And I also don’t know what to say—the things we warned of are now happening and we are told we should not “enable”—so we commiserate but that’s it.

I look inside and have no answers, I need to leave it all with One who has all the answers.

My heart is full…

Two anniversary celebrations, one from our oldest who was married nine years ago, the other celebration is for an eight year anniversary. Nine years ago we were blessed to  add our first daughter-in-law.  Eight years ago today I met a feisty little two-year-old in a far away municipal building. A little girl whose picture we held for almost a year before we met. Though I had loved her for a long time (you can love a picture, you know) I was still a scary stranger to her.

My heart is full…

I have a husband who loves me and loves our children.

I have children and grandchildren to love on.

I have work that I love- a hobby that can actually support itself.

But all that cannot fill that other empty feeling…that takes Someone much bigger.

So I turn to the mundane tasks, refill the kombucha jar with strong sweet tea, bake bread and rolls for lunches, empty the dishwasher, and pray. I am thankful that my hands can do those tasks without my brain actually engaging…tho the dishes might have ended up in the wrong cupboards.

A year ago, I could not have imagined all that we would see and do in that coming year. We stayed at home except for my “essential” workers. And it was a blessing, we pulled closer as a family sitting in the living room having a more relaxed church. It was a time of learning to do family.

  As I sit now and look forward to the next year, I can’t help but worry pray that we can find joy in the next year as we did in this past year.  Joy in the little things. I pray that I can hold on for the duration.