Figured It Out!

I have been trying to figure out what Youngest Brother likes for
breakfast. He told me a few times, "breakfast in America, no good."
I made congee, the girls scarfed it up....but he ate it slowly and
didn't ask for it....hmmm.
Finally we have enough English, it was corn....ground up....oh! cornmeal
mush?....(polenta for the refined folks)
"no,no mama, not milk".....no son just cornMEAL (not milk) and water

"no, not corn flour, bigger...like little rocks..."

Grits!!? you think? so today I bought a small box of grits and SURE
ENOUGH! They should be yellow, but it tastes right! Not even much
salt....just corn and water...
Where do I find yellow grits? South of the Mason-Dixon line I'm
guessing....
OK, that mystery is solved.

Oh, the other picture....just a snow man... in a tree....later he wore
safety goggles, held up by a nose made out of a dead battery.

Older Child Adoption

Someone asked me "Is it difficult to adopt an older child with physical disabilities?" and I know that one of you readers told my mom "Chris has a lot of patience and probably does not lose her temper"  VERY FUNNY!!!!

Adopting a 10 y.o. son with physically disabilities has been the hardest and the easiest way of having a child....compared to the sleepless nights, labor pains, c-section, crying babies....it has been a cinch.

On the other hand, it has been the hardest, in that I feel the pressure of the lost time....when he simply wants to chill by playing a mindless computer game for hours....I feel the need to pull him into interaction...do something constructive.
 He came to us with his own set of standards... girls, and little kids (I don't think he was around younger kids much even though he played doll very gently) are sort of a pain in the neck that you can ignore and be rude to if you want -- boys on the other hand are important....normal I know, but inside I cringe.
 The "bean counting"-- constantly making sure the girls don't have more than he....it is OK for the older boys to have something extra...(because they are older or because they are boys?).

I knew beforehand that smacking your lips and sloppy eating are part of the package deal....I have boys after all, but watching it...makes me worry that he will gross out all the girls and never get a date....
The added tattle tale, the additional person loosing their clothing, needing to remind him that you need clean undies when you take a shower....(yes, every time, deary....I know American mama's are strange)

I can see the effects of a life without many experiences....in a lot of things he is about 3 years old....he stood outside in the cold wind yesterday --shivering-- coat hanging open and no hood....I called out to him...."how do you think you could make yourself warmer?"   He actually though for a bit....then started closing his coat.
When the other kids carry one of their many treasures around the house and forget where they put it....they look for it themselves and don't get too worked up....not him....it is a state of emergency. Keeping track of his precious pencil from Ch*na is a never ending job...somehow it is never in the box I designated as a pencil box, so I often have to wait patiently (not) while he looks for it.

A few things worry me....he has not really mourned his losses....we talk about life at the orphanage and life in the foster family...he has cried hard a few times, over a small thing....times that I have interpreted as mourning. But why doesn't he miss his foster mom? I don't kid myself that I am such a good mom,that of course he doesn't miss her. I know I fall short in his mind.  Was it the year and a half spent in the orphanage before we were able to come for him...what was he told in the orphanage?

The other thing....his physical needs....we had hoped, when we sent LOI, that we would be able to repair his feet, no we didn't know how we would afford it....In my mind...if God moved everything so we could bring him home, He would figure out how to pay for the treatment.
Well, things are different than we figured....he will be in prosthesis for the rest of his life...did I plan on a child "with braces on his legs"?....No....Did I ever think I would tell my child to go put on his feet so we can go to school?....No....did I ever think I would need to figure out how to cut hair to hid burn scars but still look neat?....No...
Did I ever think I would have a child with 8 loose baby teeth in his mouth (not sure why)...No....Did I ever think I would be able to talk to a child without batting an eye about "your #1 China mama" (we have been working on that conversation with the sisters, but in their case it means birth mother and the questions are all coming from them)....No.....

The things I worried the most about are not what are taking my time these days....
The things that are hard work are... keeping a balance....letting him learn by his own mistakes...staying patient (no I am NOT a patient person), knowing when to lay down the law, and when to go easy...
In other words you can prepare all you want, but you still need to learn as you go.

Oh, and do I wish we would have ignored his picture???   NO!

Merry Christmas!

We had a fairly low-key Christmas...our excitement came on Christmas Eve.  We hauled all the gifts down stairs on Thursday night and had Little Brother very excited...he was up bright and early on Friday morning...said he couldn't sleep.
We don't do a tree and I had only finished wrapping the gifts...so he had no idea that gifts for 9 people would make such a big pile.
After he opened his first gift...he wondered where his motorcycle was? I tried to tell him I had no idea he had asked for a motorcycle....the next gift was his motorcycle....unfortunately by the next day the cycle no longer is working...I will have to contact A*r Hog* and see about a replacement....he was asking "how much for  a new motorcycle?"

The rest of the kids enjoyed their gifts, but I think it was the most fun to see his eyes light up when he knew the gifts were for him....he was jealous over the slap bracelets....he thought I gave Sister 3 and he only had 2 in his shoe box (our version of a Christmas stocking)   I reminded him that no one else got a motorcycle and a He*s truck ....his face went still for a minute and suddenly the slap bracelet wasn't as important.

Then we had to have a birthday cake for our newest teen...my Christmas gift 13 years ago.

Monday Musings

Friday evening was very neat....Youngest Brother stood up front and

looked like he had practiced the songs for 7 weeks, just like the rest

of the kids.

He did tell me that his heart was pounding when he looked out over the

auditorium.

Mom however, acted like she was at the first event ever...took her

camera and forgot to grab the camera card from the computer....so now I

have to find the cable to connect the camera to the computer >:o

Saturday, was a wonderful day....we spent the afternoon with dear
friends. We became parents together almost 5 years ago in a city on the
other side of the earth. The girls see each other about 4 times a year
and take off playing as if it was just last week. One of the girls got
sick on the way to the party so she was missing this time....
These dear friends decided they needed to give Youngest Brother a
welcome home party... Thanks guys! It meant a lot!

Sunday, our faithful old van left us sit. We were on the way to a family
Christmas thing...and suddenly there was a cloud of steam/smoke
billowing behind us....We pulled over in the nearest driveway and
discovered it, thankfully, was not engine oil, but water from a burst
radiator hose. We were in the drive of a family from school and they
helped us out with water for the radiator. We were able to limp the van
to DH's cousin and he was able to repair the van today. We missed the
Christmas function, but were able to just rest at home....something we
all needed to do.

I was so thankful that hose didn't decide to burst on Sat. when we were
flying 65 MPH on the PA Turnpike...or when I needed to get the kids to
school....

Youngest Brother sent me home from school at 9AM today! He stayed the
whole day so he could go Christmas Caroling at a retirement home. I
actually got some gifts wrapped today!

First Day of School

He LOVES it! "Mama, tomorrow stay all day"

It didn't hurt that he was ahead of them in math....whizzed through the
9x's worksheet in 2 minutes instead of the allotted 2-1/2 and had all of
them correct! Understood the division assignment and was finished before
the others.

He listened to the practice session for the Christmas program, scheduled
for Fri. night and declared that he wants to go on stage and help to
sing. He does know what a Christmas program entails because he watched
the others do their piece, last Friday night. So tomorrow he will stay
through program practice, thankfully the music teacher is flexible
enough to find a place for him to stand.
I asked him what he will do if he does not know all the words...he
showed me very well that he is a great mime. (Said that is what older
brother was doing last Friday night)

We went out to buy the coveted lunch box....and he spent the evening
trying to read his Bible Memory passage Isa 53:1-6 (KJV no less!)
In the picture is he trying his hand at the handwriting practice paper
(he informed me it is PENCIL writing, no hand) and the teacher did some
research during PE and discovered info on "one handed typing"

I thank God for teachers willing to go the second mile and I feel relief
at seeing his enthusiasm for going to school tomorrow. I pray it lasts
for another 8 years!

How's That for a Red Thread?

Today Youngest Brother was messing around with the translator and had
put the word "high" in it.
I looked at the translated symbol and thought it looked familiar....
That symbol looked very familiar...I asked him if that was the character for "Gao"He answered "yup" ( new favorite word along with "nope")I was speechless....
You see he has a Grandma and Grandpa High and a Great- Grandpa HighMY maiden name is High.
His family name....supposedly given at birth...is "Gao"He was family from birth!It gets better... His given name is "Liang" meaning "light" His
daddy's name is Ray (ray of light)Well maybe not better, but somehow after 90 days I only now figured this
out. What a God thing!Had the meeting with the school and "we" start 1/2 days until Christmas
break....then I think full days. I feel good about the teacher and the
ESL teacher. There is one excited boy in this house.." get lunchbox mama!"
Yes, dear, now it is time to get the lunchbox.

School

Youngest Brother has been saying he would like to go to school.
The dilemma we face is that our small private school is not set up for
ESL or a lot of one on one tutoring. They are a wonderful school for
just regular kids.
I thought I could just HS Youngest Brother for this school year and then
in the fall he would be good to go for 5th grade, but somewhere along
the line I started realizing that he thinks he is not as good as the
other kids because he stays home with me.
I started hearing the stories of his last year and a half at the
orphanage...the other kids went off to school and he got to stay back
with the kids who were mentally disabled....(well, he points to his head
and says "no good" so I'm reading between the lines) The orphanage
staff told him he can't go to school because he might get pushed over
and break his prosthesis. While he was in his foster family he did go to
school with the other kids, but his education still seems a bit spotty.
He did say that his China Mom would tell him "no go because of feet" So
I am wondering if he stayed home on rainy or snowy days.
So we decided to check into another private school that just started ESL
and has learning support and they were happy to accept him. So the
initial plan is to meet on Tues after school and possibly start 1/2 days
this week.
I told him that he can meet the teacher and talk to him...he said "no"
and motioned that his heart would be pounding, he said " me no remember
English"
Poor kid....he does want to go to school, but I'm not sure how it will go.
For starters the pants situation....He spent 10 years of his life in
sweats, then he comes to this strange household where you wear sweats to
sleep and for PE, but school will require pants with a belt....yes, and
that pesky right-handed zipper needs to be closed....and if you pull
your pants up to your belly button...they are too short....I know they
don't feel right resting on your hips....but no they won't fall down!
I am hoping that now I can go on to being mom...not mom and teacher....I
think he worries when his school work is difficult and he gets something
wrong....I think he worries that he is disappointing me. I know he does
not like to see me frustrated...if one of the others is giving me a hard
time...he steps in to "help". At first I wondered if it was a control
thing, but I'm wondering if it is more of a fear that mom will "loose
it" (not that I ever would :^O) I don't know...guess time will tell.The other day I was telling my mom that I am amazed how busy I
am....even with a newborn...they took naps sometimes....but I also
didn't feel like I was failing if they just lay on the floor cooing....
Youngest Brother would be happy to play mindless computer games (or
watch TV which we thankfully don't have) all day... but I know he needs
to catch up, there is a spot out there for that smart brain of his.
Unfortunately, it will take some hard work. So I am constantly trying to
keep him occupied with good education computer if the other stuff is done.Anyway, I must have sounded sort of negative...my mom asked if I would
do this again if I had know everything....
mom....the answer is YES!

Our Visit to the Philly Hospital

I was happy to accept a new appointment at Shri*er's hospital...instead
of the 17th they fit us in today.
The Dr did not give us any surprises, he said he could not recommend
reconstructing Youngest Brother's feet.
The reasons he gave were ones we had considered earlier....
1. He probably never walked before the burns
2. Yes, we could put his feet into normal walking position, but if the
ligaments and bones did not work properly, he would walk worse than now.
3. The process would take very long and he would be in a wheel chair for
that period of time. Knowing our son's nature that would be very difficult.
4. His injuries are old...more than 8 yrs old... and he walks with
prosthesis now.We sort of thought that is what he would advise and we had been prepared
for that answer.... their advice is to improve his feet so that the
newer prosthesis will fit. So we will be facing surgery, but not until we
are all ready...
DH and I felt comfortable with the decision...no it is not what we
dreamed of for our son, but after knowing him I think it will be a good
decisionWhat does he think of it? Not sure yet...he understood bits and pieces
of the conversation and tonite we talked some, but ....does anyone have
advice on how you broach this subject with a 10 year old?Today they started the procedure to make new prosthesis for his
feet...first off is making a cast and in about 2 weeks go in for a
fitting and hopefully have new ones after the new year.His hand? we will let that for a bit...but Dr feels good that we can
reconstruct that....