Older Child Adoption

Someone asked me "Is it difficult to adopt an older child with physical disabilities?" and I know that one of you readers told my mom "Chris has a lot of patience and probably does not lose her temper"  VERY FUNNY!!!!

Adopting a 10 y.o. son with physically disabilities has been the hardest and the easiest way of having a child....compared to the sleepless nights, labor pains, c-section, crying babies....it has been a cinch.

On the other hand, it has been the hardest, in that I feel the pressure of the lost time....when he simply wants to chill by playing a mindless computer game for hours....I feel the need to pull him into interaction...do something constructive.
 He came to us with his own set of standards... girls, and little kids (I don't think he was around younger kids much even though he played doll very gently) are sort of a pain in the neck that you can ignore and be rude to if you want -- boys on the other hand are important....normal I know, but inside I cringe.
 The "bean counting"-- constantly making sure the girls don't have more than he....it is OK for the older boys to have something extra...(because they are older or because they are boys?).

I knew beforehand that smacking your lips and sloppy eating are part of the package deal....I have boys after all, but watching it...makes me worry that he will gross out all the girls and never get a date....
The added tattle tale, the additional person loosing their clothing, needing to remind him that you need clean undies when you take a shower....(yes, every time, deary....I know American mama's are strange)

I can see the effects of a life without many experiences....in a lot of things he is about 3 years old....he stood outside in the cold wind yesterday --shivering-- coat hanging open and no hood....I called out to him...."how do you think you could make yourself warmer?"   He actually though for a bit....then started closing his coat.
When the other kids carry one of their many treasures around the house and forget where they put it....they look for it themselves and don't get too worked up....not him....it is a state of emergency. Keeping track of his precious pencil from Ch*na is a never ending job...somehow it is never in the box I designated as a pencil box, so I often have to wait patiently (not) while he looks for it.

A few things worry me....he has not really mourned his losses....we talk about life at the orphanage and life in the foster family...he has cried hard a few times, over a small thing....times that I have interpreted as mourning. But why doesn't he miss his foster mom? I don't kid myself that I am such a good mom,that of course he doesn't miss her. I know I fall short in his mind.  Was it the year and a half spent in the orphanage before we were able to come for him...what was he told in the orphanage?

The other thing....his physical needs....we had hoped, when we sent LOI, that we would be able to repair his feet, no we didn't know how we would afford it....In my mind...if God moved everything so we could bring him home, He would figure out how to pay for the treatment.
Well, things are different than we figured....he will be in prosthesis for the rest of his life...did I plan on a child "with braces on his legs"?....No....Did I ever think I would tell my child to go put on his feet so we can go to school?....No....did I ever think I would need to figure out how to cut hair to hid burn scars but still look neat?....No...
Did I ever think I would have a child with 8 loose baby teeth in his mouth (not sure why)...No....Did I ever think I would be able to talk to a child without batting an eye about "your #1 China mama" (we have been working on that conversation with the sisters, but in their case it means birth mother and the questions are all coming from them)....No.....

The things I worried the most about are not what are taking my time these days....
The things that are hard work are... keeping a balance....letting him learn by his own mistakes...staying patient (no I am NOT a patient person), knowing when to lay down the law, and when to go easy...
In other words you can prepare all you want, but you still need to learn as you go.

Oh, and do I wish we would have ignored his picture???   NO!