Tonight I read a blog post. It was a plea for honesty.
The writer said a friend just came home from Ch*na with two children and she/they are
struggling. She noted that even when she comes online looking for help, all she sees are carefully photoshopped pictures giving a glowing account of what life is like in other households. Of course!
We feel as if we need to encourage others toward adoption and if we talk about the
tough stuff, we will simply discourage. Then there is the privacy thing...how much do you share?
Older child adoption is considered risky and difficult. We parents don't really talk about the nuts and bolts because it exposes our vulnerability.
Take a look at my pictures! Looks easy and fun! I will start off by saying that our two most recent
adoptions were not easy, but they have been much easier than I expected.
But to tell you what I expected would give my mom nightmares, so I won't write it here. There is a VERY important component in preparing yourself for the worst and having a plan for that 'worst'.
I will also say that I could NEVER imagine adopting two children at the same time
(foster situations excluded).
I know families that have done the dual adoptions and they are doing fine...well what you can tell from their blogs. But if someone asked me for advice I would say "don't do it." but who am I?
So how is it going? I would say that the sleep issues have been the
hardest. When you are low on sleep ANY bump in the road seems bigger.
The Friday night when I felt like I needed to tie a knot on the end of
my rope, I went to our room and plopped crying baby on her daddy and
said "she's yours". Then I curled up and did some crying of my own. Come
On! you've heard crying before, you handled longer spells than that! But
in Ch*na I feel I had extra help from God and here at home it was time
to 'be normal'. Daddy did just fine and he got her to bed. The next day
we decided to give the melatonin a try.
The crying in the daytime is a
little easier to handle. I just lay her on the sofa and stay near,but go
about my sewing or read a book. You need to give yourself permission to ignore what you can't fix.
Some moms say they never get to go to the
bathroom or get a shower...well my two year old follows me everywhere so
if I need privacy I need to wait till she sleeps. I expect that to go on
for a very long time. But I was prepared for that.
Then there is the neediness of the other children. I spent 2 weeks away so of course I
needed to dig up extra reserves to give them the missed attention. There is the other recent adoptee that has the underlying suspicion that he doesn't measure up, that I really do not love him.
I am needing to mind my tone of voice, my body language and needing to remember that two
years home is really not that long. I know these things, but some days I parent by the seat of my pants and am 'reacting' instead of 'responding'. I need to work at molding the young man that will shortly
be a teen. I need to help the self-esteem while overlooking the 'cockiness' that crops up regularly. I need to walk the tight-rope of allowing independence while keeping the guide ropes adjusted properly. As I told him after a long talk this afternoon I want him to want to
visit us after he is grown up and has a family of his own.
All this to say, things are going well. With continued prayer and hard work I will probably manage some private time sometime in the next 3 years.
