Yes, mom you are right.
But does it have to be so hard?
Today youngest son found the He*s trucks that big brother has
accumulated in his 19 years, I couldn't let him play with them...big
brother didn't even play with them...he wanted to keep them nice.
We had tears again today..."me no car"
me: " but you have cars under your bed"
YS: "they no go (they're matchbox)
All the while I'm thinking inside...just how do I tell him that I want
to buy him the newest Hes* truck that should come out this year...but at
Thanksgiving. I want to buy him a whole store full of cars, trucks,
etc. but is it good? is it the right thing to do?
Today I bought 3 yo-yo's, he chose the best one for himself but they did
not live up to expectations.
I bought 2 new basketballs, one for big brother and a youth size for the
two younger boys...but that's sharing.
It was not right that a boy could live somewhere for 10 years and not
own ANYTHING!
He told me today he did have a ball, but "friend" grabbed it away.
I tried to explain that the other boys got their toys slowly over the
years and he will too,but our language is just too limited.
Or should we just have a huge party and give him his heart's desire? But
will that live up to his expectations?...his yo-yo's don't quite measure
up because he can't do the same tricks the hero's on the Chinese TV
shows performed.
I know not that many people read this... but does anyone have any ideas?
I suggest creating a schedule for filling his toybox. Maybe once a week, once every two weeks, whatever your budget will allow, you mark a date on the calendar for him to buy one thing. Just one thing. That forces him to choose what he feels is most important to him at the time and it gives him his own possessions. Our adopted son is getting better and we did not fill the house with toys for him, but because we were buying things frequently for him, he started to think that every time he went to a store it meant he was going to get something. I don't believe that is any better for him than having no individual possessions is. So maybe teaching our adopted children to "budget" not just in terms of money but also in terms of editing their shopping list and prioritizing their wants will help them to learn what is valuable. You might also give him an allowance that he has to save until he has enough to spend for what he wants-but only if you do that for your other children, too, and if that's how they came to have their possessions.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you can find a previous year's model on Amazon or ebay or at Roots/Green Dragon that is not too expensive.
ReplyDeleteit is certainly a hard concept. he had very little in China and now sees the other kids in the family with toys and of course he wants his own 'stuff.' and the fine line to walk as a parent--how much is spoiling or not? he isn't going to understand how the other kids acquired their toys with his limited English. I guess i'm for a little spoiling...not like i buy the kids stuff every time we are in a store, but i don't say no all the time (like i did with the older bio kids)
ReplyDeletebut i personally really like the party idea. i think he would love a "Welcome Home Party" that would make him feel extra special in the family--lots of people, food, cake...even if people brought little trinkets like matchbox cars, they would be special and his. Just be sure to invite us and his little Beijing "sister" would love to buy him some trucks!
I think both suggestions are good; you know your son and what will be the best for him.
ReplyDeleteWe have been home 5 months with our amazing five year old son. I haven't bought him anything but we have pulled out all big brother's old toys for him, a box at a time. He still has little that is only "his" but we share playmobile and blocks and games, etc.
Early on I took him everywhere with me for the thrill of the car ride, being always with Mom and new experiences but never buying him anything. Yet, now if he goes with me he wants EVERYTHING, not a learned behavior. It's too emotional for him to go to the store with me now.
We homeschool also so he has his own drawer full of colors, books, flashcards, etc.
Could big brother spend time with him and take out all the cars and show them to him? Could he do little chores around the house and earn money to buy something he'd really like, maybe a car like big brothers?
You are doing a great job! What a wonderful family you have.