This wheelchair improves communication. We have been having some
interesting conversations the last few days. Some confession time of
sins committed before we ever knew him. Nothing that shocks me, but I am
glad that the incidents bothered him enough to talk to me about it.
Then the zinger---"Mama, what is love?
"Umm, what do you mean?"
"How big is love? You love....(he lists everyone in the family
including himself)...how big is love?"
OK people how do you answer that one?
I muddled my way through without ruining the baked oatmeal and the bread
I was making. A keeping Faith from stirring my mixture to the floor.
I tried to give the ultimate example about God giving His Son when we
didn't deserve it and how God did not give us what we deserved...Hope
pointed out that, that is Mercy, not love...but
I explained that while daddy works very hard all day, he loves his
family enough to come home each night and mow the lawn, keep the
swimming pool clean, play catch. I told him that some daddy's don't
love their families enough to do that. Daddy could very well stop
somewhere with friends and drink beer and not come home to the work that
is US...That, my son, is Love...there was more...
Anyway....I did ask what he thinks love is and did he ever feel
it....his answer was "no"
Looks like we have our work cut out for us.
I lived 2 years in China and 14 years in Taipei.
ReplyDeleteMy PhD is in clinical psychology and I'm a deeply committed Christian who's 63 years old and who has prayed to be able to love like Jesus loves since I was in Jr High. That's a bit like praying for patience or wisdom.
My briefer answer for your mangled son:
1. Love is doing what's best for the loved one regardless of the cost.
2. Love is putting yourself in the other person's skin and doing what your best empathy tells you would bless them most.
3. Love is thoughtfulness.
4. Love is laughing when they laugh and crying when they cry.
5. Love is bearing their suffering so their suffering is lessened or taken off of them.
6. Love is holding them close to your heart and carressing them with your hands, your heart, your mind, your eyes, your songs, your smiles.
7. Love is walking when they want to walk; dancing when they want to danc; flying when they want to fly . . . or just sitting in silence sharing the space, the time and the together.
8. Love is holding on to one another . . . just 'cause . . .
because you want to be close;
because of the dark;
because of the bears;
because of the crowd;
because of the alone;
because of the hurt;
because of the joy;
to share encouragement;
to share hope;
to share faith;
to share endurance;
to share tenacity;
to share goofy-ness; . . .
9. Love is waiting for the phone call, the walk in the door, the text msg, the email, the card, the gift, the whistle coming up the walk . . .
10. Love is giving the gift THEY want instead of the gift the giver wants.
11. Love is walking taller because you can love and be loved by the other person.
12. Love can be a warm gooey feeling all tender and sweetly fuzzy deep inside.
13. More importantly, love is sacrificial, servant-hearted actions in behalf of the one loved--regardless. Feelings come and go. Actions leave consequences. Loving actions leave the best consequences.
14. Love is thoughtful, patient, kind, durable, not prissy, not fussed up, not shallow.
15. Love finds a way.
16. Love makes a way.
17. Love is the only way to live.
18. Love is Christ's way.
19. Love is Christ. Christ is Love.
20. God is Love.
(C) 2011 Bo2 Xian2
--off the top of my head and spirit just for this post. PRAISE GOD.
What I would say-love is caring about another person's well-being and happiness and wanting it as much or more than you want your own. It is so big that it grows without limit-the more you give, the more you get back, and the more you get back, the more you have to share. It can be kept small or it can be large, but it is unique and intimate, so love for your child or parent is not the same as love for society.
ReplyDeleteRuby
Trying again with plain text:
ReplyDeleteI lived 2 years in China and 14 years in Taipei.
My PhD is in clinical psychology and I'm a deeply committed Christian who's 63 years old and who has prayed to be able to love like Jesus loves since I was in Jr High. That's a bit like praying for patience or wisdom.
My briefer answer for your mangled son:
1. Love is doing what's best for the loved one regardless of the cost.
2. Love is putting yourself in the other person's skin and doing what your best empathy tells you would bless them most.
3. Love is thoughtfulness.
4. Love is laughing when they laugh and crying when they cry.
5. Love is bearing their suffering so their suffering is lessened or taken off of them.
6. Love is holding them close to your heart and carressing them with your hands, your heart, your mind, your eyes, your songs, your smiles.
7. Love is walking when they want to walk; dancing when they want to danc; flying when they want to fly . . . or just sitting in silence sharing the space, the time and the together.
8. Love is holding on to one another . . . just 'cause . . .
because you want to be close;
because of the dark;
because of the bears;
because of the crowd;
because of the alone;
because of the hurt;
because of the joy;
to share encouragement;
to share hope;
to share faith;
to share endurance;
to share tenacity;
to share goofy-ness; . . .
9. Love is waiting for the phone call, the walk in the door, the text msg, the email, the card, the gift, the whistle coming up the walk . . .
10. Love is giving the gift THEY want instead of the gift the giver wants.
11. Love is walking taller because you can love and be loved by the other person.
12. Love can be a warm gooey feeling all tender and sweetly fuzzy deep inside.
13. More importantly, love is sacrificial, servant-hearted actions in behalf of the one loved--regardless. Feelings come and go. Actions leave consequences. Loving actions leave the best consequences.
14. Love is thoughtful, patient, kind, durable, not prissy, not fussed up, not shallow.
15. Love finds a way.
16. Love makes a way.
17. Love is the only way to live.
18. Love is Christ's way.
19. Love is Christ. Christ is Love.
20. God is Love.
(C) 2011 Bo2 Xian2
LOVE IS FOR JOSEPH AT:
When I met my 2nd husband I didn't have all those butterfly feelings and rainbows and fireworks. It was peace and contentment. I think love can also be peace and contentment.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard for someone who has had caretakers all of their life to understand love, I think. We first understand love by knowing our needs will be met...That may or may not have happened for a child in an institution. When they come home, It is hard to grasp that this is not a new institution and that you aren't just another Ayi named "mom." FX was constantly putting little remarks in about how many things Anna wasn't getting done in a day, and explaining that in CHina the Ayi's did this and that. She said, "FX, IN @@@ you had so many Ayi's to do all those things. Here, it is only me...Mama not an Ayi."
ReplyDeleteHe is very kind, warm and respectful...but I wonder in his heart where we are in love. Real Love. It is almost a foreign concept and understanding (and possessing it) comes, like any language, in baby steps.