Getting a Driver's License

Haven't blogged about prosthesis in awhile. Haven't blogged much at all lately!  Not that life is so boring or anything, more like, I have to filter it so much there isn't much left.

My book stash might give you an idea about life:  "The Teen-age Brain- A Neuroscientist's survival guide to raising teens and adolescents " By Frances Jensen and Amy Ellis Nutt

The Road to Little Dribbling- The Adventures of an American in Britain  by Bill Bryson....
a cookbook entitled "Bake it Like You Mean It"

Oh and I'm halfway through a book called "Addicted to Life and Death"  written by a local paramedic, but I find her descriptions of things distasteful. Yeah we might talk about stuff after an ambulance call, but you don't need to write it in a book.

I might need help. Or maybe I need less screen time and more reading time?

I still like Qustodio if anyone is wondering, I didn't say my whole family likes Qustodio, but I do.

Anyway, back to getting a driver's license if your child wears bilateral (both legs) prosthesis,and has a  fist for his one hand... I couldn't find this stuff earlier when I did web searches, so maybe it will help someone.  When you go for your physical before you take your "knowledge test" (this is how we do it in PA) there are questions that refer to amputations, mental disabilities, or anything else that would make the patient have a problem driving safely.   Our doctor checked the boxes next to "amputations" and out next move was to take the knowledge test.
Taking a knowledge test is a very interesting event in our area. I have learned a long time ago, that I really do not enjoy taking my young children along because the wait is beyond their endurance. (What an understatement) I took some stitching with me,but found that the seating was so tight, I didn't want to run the risk of poking someone with a needle.  So I sat back and watched the people. I should have taken my tablet along and wrote some descriptive terms. People of all shapes and sizes, burly truck drivers renewing something on their commercial license, skinny little sixteen year olds nervously clutching papers, first-time-parents-of-sixteen-year-olds finding out they forgot the actual social security card, tiny little babies who cried, bored office workers trying to be patient.  The smells were interesting too.... I smelled garlic, onions, tobacco, pot, alcohol and other questionable scents.

Anyway, our hour of waiting was finally over and we made our way to the desk. "Joel" behind the desk was a relaxed man. He filled in the blanks that I had missed- height and social security number. Had Joseph sign his SS card. They looked over the form and realized that he needs a non-driver number. That information had to come from Harrisburg and of course those people were gone for the day.
Meanwhile, Joe took the questions and came back looking a bit upset. "The computer didn't work right! I selected one answer and it chose another, twice."  The supervisor told him that if he has trouble the next time he takes the questions, he needs to tell them right away and not try just go ahead.

No matter. I had to come back another day to get the proper numbers anyway.

We were able to get a "No Wait" ticket and were seen almost immediately the next day. He passed his questions and I got the "Learner's Permit". The trip home from DMV with this sixteen-year-old was not nearly as stressful as the first three times I did this trip.

Next step was to fill out a form from Office of Vocational Rehabilitaion (OVR), did you know that office existed? Neither did I.  Supposedly they can help us make this driver training stuff affordable. Having someone else teach your child to drive at $125 an hour (that was the lowest quote I've seen) is a bit over the budget. We are hoping to use Mumma's Driving School, but they've never worked with a person with three limbs affected and we may end up driving further for the evaluations.

Now we wait on an appointment with OVR and then they will send info to Mumma's and THEN maybe Joseph will sit behind a steering wheel.

Questions people have asked: "He walks so well, why can't he just drive?"  True he walks well, but prosthesis do not have ankle movement, try driving sometime without using your ankles. He also has no feeling in his "feet" and according to what I'm learning, you cannot use a prosthetic appliance to operate any part of the car.


QOTD: "Everyone is going to FL, but us! But we're the cool ones we don't have to pack." --brought to you by Shekinah     I know there were more quotables, but I can't remember.

Tomorrow I have a date with my hubby at lunch!

Birthdays, and Growing Up

The growing up would be this guy, who just swiftly crawled up on the kitchen table this past week. He doesn't even walk most of the time! (He can walk, just thinks it's a bit slow.)

Shekinah thought he was funny...then I looked at the back drop of my lovely children...

Put them down for a nap and cleaned up my kitchen sink.

It's as good as it gets folks.

Then we had a birthday in this house.

He wanted sticky buns "with that good icing on" (he means buttercream with real butter)

I had seen a neat "cake" on Facebook where they used Nut*lla for the spread between the layers

and decided that you probably could do the same thing with the sticky bun recipe...

and you can!

The other thing he wanted was that expensive that he had to combine Christmas and birthday gifts into one....and add a bit of his own (young parents..it is a good idea for them to have to invest something into big ticket items like this)  ---that's your free advice for the day--

and no, he is not allowed to use the wi-fi unless he is supervised....old meanies we are.

I heard familiar music and realized that Faith is playing one of Zeke's old favorite games.

It should help her learn some logic....as long as she doesn't get too much help from the big kids.

Last weekend we visited with the family from OH whose son Tyler had external fixators on both legs. The feedback we got from the children was interesting. Tyler confided in his mom, "mom, that little girl doesn't have many fingers."

Mom: "Are you glad you have your fingers, even if they don't all work properly?"

His mother told me that he had been having quite a problem lately with the idea that he was going to need to be on a wheel chair for some time and was very sure there wasn't a child ANYWHERE as bad off as he was. Then he met my two children and suddenly felt that he didn't have quite as many problems...

THEN:

My children...

Shekinah: "mom that boy , why doesn't he have elbows that bend?"

Me: "Well, that's how God made HIM."

Shekinah: "Well I'm glad God gave me elbows."

A bit of background on this ...Shekinah has been talking about her hands quite a bit lately and wishing she had more fingers...."or hands like yours, mom." She usually comes to the acceptance "God made me this way, right mom?" So to hear her reason this through was interesting.

I mentioned the fixators to Joseph and said, "I looked at those pins and were glad they didn't live in my house. How about you Joseph?"

Joe:" Well his pins weren't as big as mine and they didn't go through the bone like mine, but yeah I'm glad I don't have to do that again."

I realized that the trauma of the ex-fix apparently affected his memory, but we'll let him go.

Have a good week! Rumor has it that the temps might hit the 50's, but as DH said "I'll believe it when I see it."

Randomness

 One night I heard some rustling in the hallway. What I saw made me grab my camera. Daddy got hungry for a few chips and Miss Observant caught him.

 She insisted on peeling her own egg the other day...she does a very careful and thorough job.

 My little black belt....with red socks

 The first (well the first ones that are big enough to hold) flowers of spring. That little fist amazes me.

Now shoe shopping is proving to be a challenge. Her foot is thick/high in the arch and shoes that fit her in length are too small when I want to strap or Velcro to close them....We have a few that someone gave me, but I need to keep my eyes open.

Fear

With older child adoption, you just never know when a situation will
strike fear. It can look like stubbornness or manipulation. But fear can
show up so unexpectedly.
When we first started going to Shriner's he would gasp and look away
when we crossed over a certain bridge. After a few months he now looks
out over the railing at the river. He even said "I'm not scared anymore."
So that's the last of fear when we are driving?...umm  no....

Tonite we decided to enjoy this beautiful day and go for a hike at a
local lake.  As we drove around the lake there was one point where you
could look out over the water. The sun reflected from the water and the
boats zipping around. BEAUTIFUL! right?  umm...no...

I heard a gasp from the back, I turned around to see fear behind a half
grin.  "I'm scared."

I wasn't sure if it was our height or ...was he joking?

When we parked and everyone piled out, eager to hit the playground and
the hiking trail.  One young man stayed sitting in the van. Tears...

Yup, it was fear.
We tried to find out, fear of the water....we're not going in....fear of
walking that far....it's a gentle slope....
What?

We persuaded him to get out and at least come to a bench beside the
small play area.

























He watched the boats and the small waves from the wakes and the
little kids wading in the water....


After half an hour he walked over to me, "Mom, it's not fun, what can I do?"

I held up two fingers..."you have two choices, you can stay sitting here
or look around and focus on what you CAN do. You decide."

Well he decided to check out the play area and soon his sisters were
begging to go down to the water.
I told him it is up to him, he can stay on the bench, move to a closer
bench, or come with us....(three choices this time)
He followed at a cautious distance and soon this is what you would have
seen if you had been with us!

Now what caused that fear?  I have a bit of a notion it was the video
footage he had seen of the tsunami in Indonesia, because he wondered if
the people were going to die that were out in the water.  I am so glad
we took him to this lake before we made a trip to the ocean. And, Oh so
glad we did it as a family and not a field trip from school or something.

But best of all he discovered a new fun thing....wet sand and waves!

And we learned that life holds many surprises....

Check out "Treasure In a Field"

Hop over to Anna's blog and read about a TV show you need to find...and I don't even have a TV, so it has to be good to get me to advertise something on that box.  Well go read her blog anyway.

Who Can Explain It, Who Can Tell Me Why?

fools give me reasons, wisemen never try..."
Really not sure that even fits as a title, but tonite at the supper
table we somehow got on the subject of dominant and recessive genes.
I know, I know...should maybe be more sensitive to all my children...but
I forget...
no, my children don't look just like me...none of them really do...so we
usually just discuss...."look your hand is as big as mine" or "see your
leg is the same length from the hip to the knee as it is from the ankle
to the knee"
but I remember the first science classes when we discussed Gregor Mendel
and his famous pea experiment. It was fascinating and it was easy to
see...blue eyes were recessive genes, dark eyes dominant...some people
had curly hair, some had straight, some people had brown hair, others
had blonde, black or red hair.
When we started talking about recessive and dominant genes, Joseph had a
puzzled look on his face and was questioning what on earth we were
talking about.
It really seemed it was a concept that had never been discussed
before....I think we managed without it being to sticky...
yet another topic that should be in the advice books

One Year Ago...

We walked out of the hotel a family of 7 and returned a family of 8! Yes I can count...oldest brother was at home.




 

It was the hardest and the easiest way to add a child to the family...no
crying, no screaming (not yet) no diapers.
But half a lifetime missed...
He came with the clothes on his back and a car that he had bought with
his New Year money (quickly because you can't use it in America) even
gave the change to an ayi...no one told him we could convert the RMB
Ten years of awards, report cards and photos missing....(we gave him the backpack) and he immediately gave one of his new motorcycles to his friend...the one we call "picture friend")
Picture Friend is coming home one of these days....to CA  but at least in the same country.
  

            (the photo shop where we took our adoption photo also first time in a shopping environment)

                                                        (eating our McD's icecream)


But now there are lots of photos (mostly with funny faces) too much
clothes and too many toys
AND somedays too many siblings
But mostly I think he likes having the others around...loves school and
has amazing determination
That determination has gotten him through life to this day and has
caused us to butt heads...
Sometime this weekend we will need to celebrate family day...too bad
that adoption day will forever be on our wedding anniversary....sorry
kiddo...you can't join us for that one.

Welcome to the family, son!

What I Learned These Last Two Weeks

I've been a mom for 20 years. I thought I'd learned pretty much about
taking care of children. Then God pulled out all the stops and gave us
Joseph. (I know our situation is minor compared to some, but I'm writing
this to help me remember and just in case someone else needs this info)
When we knew that he would most probably need to have his feet
amputated, we figured we would do the "big" surgery first and then maybe
a year later we would work on the hand. It made sense...get him
properly mobile then work on the "non-essential" limb (don't take that
wrong...it's just much easier to do without an arm than to be
non-weightbearing)
But, when we had a consultation with all involved doctors they suggested
the fixator on his arm first so we could determine the skin deficit and
possibly use the 'extra' skin on his feet for grafting on his arm. At
the time of the visit, we had 'plenty' of time to get the wrist into
position and hopefully remove the fixator at the time of the leg surgery.
Unfortunately, his arm just was not ready for grafting, his wrist wasn't
quite straight and we ended up with an 11 year old 80 pound boy that
had only one usable limb! and only 2 of them could get wet.
Now how do you move this child around? baths? bathroom? moving him from
chair to chair to bed?
This is what I learned: maybe it is written somewhere, but I wish I
would have had these hints earlier
When you are moving a child from bed to chair- bring them as close to
your body as possible. At first the nurse at the hospital told hubby to
lift him from the side...arm under legs and other around back...we soon
realized that will give us both bad backs within a day. A better
way--face him, squat, have him throw his good arm around your shoulders
and hold on....you grasp either a good handful of jeans-seat or upper
leg and lift. Basically holding him the same as you would a small
child belly to belly.
How to wash him--since it is summer time...I sit him outside, have him
slouch down in the wheel chair and tip his head back to wash his hair.
Use a plastic water pitcher to pour water over his head to wash off the
shampoo.
Use a washcloth to wash shirt area....
Send him to the bathroom to wash the private areas while sitting on the
open toilet. Those pre-moistened washcloths do a decent job in a pinch.
While we are in the bathroom....there is a right and a wrong way for
guys to use those urine bottles...take a look before you end up with a mess.
Dressing in a wheel chair is a challenge...now that he can slide over to
the sofa it is better, but at first he was afraid to do it on his
own....If he can get his legs in the pants...stand behind the wheelchair
and start pulling, and have him lean from one side to the other allowing
you to pull the pants up a bit at a time...undies work ok that way too.
If you have a choice, ask the doctors to put casts on just to the knees.
Even though I read some of your responses to him about love....he still
says he does not know what love is :^) and the other day he told me he
is having the worst summer ever....while I understand....
He does appreciate the many Hess trucks (another post one day- Wendy)
He is having fun with all the gifts people are sending
And he did admit to me the other day that this isn't as bad as he feared
it would be.
I do know that we are becoming the "king of things", but as you all know
eventually your 'things' become a burden and they turn on you....

Mama, What Is Love?

This picture should have been on the previous post...

This wheelchair improves communication. We have been having some
interesting conversations the last few days. Some confession time of
sins committed before we ever knew him. Nothing that shocks me, but I am
glad that the incidents bothered him enough to talk to me about it.
Then the zinger---"Mama, what is love?
"Umm, what do you mean?"
"How big is love? You love....(he lists everyone in the family
including himself)...how big is love?"
OK people how do you answer that one?
I muddled my way through without ruining the baked oatmeal and the bread
I was making. A keeping Faith from stirring my mixture to the floor.
I tried to give the ultimate example about God giving His Son when we
didn't deserve it and how God did not give us what we deserved...Hope
pointed out that, that is Mercy, not love...but
I explained that while daddy works very hard all day, he loves his
family enough to come home each night and mow the lawn, keep the
swimming pool clean, play catch. I told him that some daddy's don't
love their families enough to do that. Daddy could very well stop
somewhere with friends and drink beer and not come home to the work that
is US...That, my son, is Love...there was more...
Anyway....I did ask what he thinks love is and did he ever feel
it....his answer was "no"
Looks like we have our work cut out for us.

One week post-surgery

Tonite he sleeps upstairs! He proved today that he can crawl up the
steps and get into his bed on his own...he has even managed to get a
leg-up over the toilet and he is sure he is able to take care of
necessities if needed.
I'm not sure how we are going to keep him non-weightbearing for 4
weeks. He did comment this evening that his feet ummm legs are
tired/hurt. So I think in true Joseph fashion we over-did it right away.

Life in These Parts

That wheelchair is getting many miles on it and not from the patient!
Thank goodness for big brothers and little sisters that play games.
Grandma sent a "flower" arrangement.
Tonite we had the first episode of phantom toe pain "felt like an ant
crawling on my toe and I tried to move it and my leg "popped "
First tears in days, gotta start somewhere, he has been so easy-going
ever since the surgery....well, except for when the nurses flushed the
IV site...that requires open mouthed wails...
anyway- the easy going-ness is a bit unusual....maybe it is relief.

Did They Always Fight?

The other evening,I was teaching and missed the conversation, the girls
were having an argument and Joe asked DH, "Did the girls always fight?"
Ray said that when Faith was very young, Hope would tell her what to do
and Faith would listen.
Now since Faith is older, she has her own ideas and does not always like
what Hope is decreeing.
He said "Oh, they looked like such nice girls on the pictures."
Very funny observation, but tonight he put another twist on this.
He asked ME, almost the same question while looking over his photo album.
This time though he said, "Did they fight before I came home?"
I said "yeah, why?"
"I think maybe they just fight since I came home."
I tried to assure him that they would still probably fight, even if he
wasn't here.
Wonder what was behind that question?

How Do You Know?

How do you know when to push...
when to back off?
How do you know if he is actually so tired or just would rather play
computer?
When he is headed for the school door with backpack and lunch box in
hand, should I grab the door for him or let him manage on his own.
When the seat belt is elusive should I reach over and help or let him
try again, and again...how many time.
When it seems as if he just cannot keep track of his pencil and eraser
(mentioned that before I know) do I help or let him stomp around the
house looking?
Should I double check his lunch box to make sure he is not forgetting
his spoon again?
Should we let him spell the 4th grade spelling words when he does not
understand the meaning of the 2nd grade words.
Am I being a hard mother when I insist he finish the 2nd grade workbook
before doing the 4th grade words?
Am I being a "tiger mom" when I make him write the character for each of
the words he does not know?
Am I being too picky when I make him try to pronounce his Bible Memory
words clearly.
"When you talk Chin*se I don't care if you say it wrong! Even when
Ch*nese people cannot understand you" But this mama wants you to be
understood when you speak English.
BTW when you read it the second time the words were much clearer and you
CAN do it! And we managed the fine dance to avoiding a blow up
tonite...I almost thought I pushed too hard.
Like someone said I don't feel like we have the luxury of time, we are
starting so late in the game and yet it's not me that is deciding these
things...it is God and this fine boy he loaned us.
So one foot in front of the other.....

Emotional Day

First some pictures from Chinese New Year Party, yesterday.
This afternoon, I got the strange notion to check out WAC*P's waiting
child list, as I was looking at the older kids....
I came across a familiar looking face. I hesitated, but then asked
Joseph if he knows this boy.
"yes, yes! that is my friend from the picture!"
Then more excitement we found 13 kids from his room/section of the
orphanage....I now have faces to go with at least 17 of the 32 kids that
he lived with. Some of them are home, some are coming home, but at
least 13 are on that list.
It was interesting, he told us tidbits about each of them...some "very
smart" one has "big mouth, broke my yo-yo"
One had "this" - one shoulder higher than the other. A few were very
good kids.
So if you are looking at the kids on WAC*P's list and they start with
JH5 let me know.
Then he asked to see the orphanage on the world map...found it on Goo*le
Earth.
Then "find my family home?" "no, too far"
Well he wrote his address for me awhile ago....(thank goodness, because
he claims he doesn't remember it now)...
so we entered that into the same program and after some false
starts...(translating into Pin-Yin doesn't always go smoothly)
We found his foster family's home town! He found his school, but not
his house....it was a bit confusing seeing the houses from above.

A Bigger House

While we were driving today....Youngest Brother said "when me big
man...me go to Chi*a and... 5 children"
At first I was not sure if he was going to Chi*a and getting married and
having 5 children. So I asked "will you adopt or have babies?"
He said " some 7 y.o. and some 10 y.o. and some little....maybe 10
childrens"
I said maybe you better ask your wife...he gave me a blank look....I
pointed to daddy and said "I'm his wife"
He just laughed and said "I don't know"
I told him, "you need a wife if you are going to have that many children
and I am going to need a big house for all my grandchildren."
With Oldest Sister's 12 children, his 10, and youngest sister.... not
sure how many she has planned, looks like I will be needing a big house
when they all come home for Sunday lunch.